then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
A bitchslap is in order.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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