If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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