you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
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It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
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HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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