the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
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Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
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You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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