i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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