Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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