Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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