i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
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Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
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I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize