I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
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I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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