My underwear smells like fireworks.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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