my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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