The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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