why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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