I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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