It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize