Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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