I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
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After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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