Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize