he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
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We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
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I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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