I am midnight drunk by noon
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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