That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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