I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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