im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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