I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Little spoons don't ask big questions
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
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don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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