there's paper in my vomit.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize