Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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