Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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