chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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