We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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