I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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