they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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