i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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