My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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