I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
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I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
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He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
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