i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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