all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
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i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
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it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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