So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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