Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I pour the whiskey from now on
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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