Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
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I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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