I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
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I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
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More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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