your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
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Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
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You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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