My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
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You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
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Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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