I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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