when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize