My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize