At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
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she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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