Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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