My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
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I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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