I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize