Already got asked if we're dating
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize